On Mourning for What Could Have Been
Let the pity party begin!
So much has slipped through my fingers through the years!
Jobs, promising careers, relationships!
Scientist, musician, opera singer, programmer, teacher, therapist, nurse, boss, employee, manager, activist, friend, lover, son, partner.
So many failed attempts at getting it right.
So many false starts and dead ends.
Following roads paved with good intentions but heading in the wrong direction.
Clueless as to why it didn’t work.
Pain for all the losses.
Regret for the bad decisions.
Anger for allowing myself to be fooled.
Guilt for the collateral damage.
Fear, fear and more fear.
An inner storm encased in an iceberg of alleged indifference.
Or would they call it arrogance?
It’s time to move on. Mend what can be mended and let go of what cannot.
Cast away the fears, invisibility has lost its power!
And always, always keep learning.
Hey. You. Can you see me? Really see me?
Don’t be fooled by appearances! Side by side my many strengths there are just as many weaknesses, they are sides of the same coin.
I know I need to walk this path, but I’ve realized I can’t do it alone.
Please, hold my hand and don’t let go!